Working through Ambivalence: How to manage tough periods and setbacks

With change comes a mixture of emotions and naturally some ambivalence.

ambivalence

noun

1. the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.

   equivocation, uncertainty, doubt, indecision, irresolution, hesitation, hesitancy

   "the law's ambivalence about the importance of a victim's identity"

We may feel indecisive about our goals, there may be conflicting desires such as wanting to help others and not put yourself first or wanting to lose weight but not give up some comfort eating habits.

This ambivalence is completely normal.

It does not mean you don't want to change or you're lazy or not motivated.

Change will always involve some competing drives, this may result in being conflicted as to why you're on the path you've set for yourself or that has been advised for you (by a doctor for example). You may not feel ready to change, willing to change or even able to change.

So if you're in this situation with an area of your health and fitness there are a few strategies we can try to create some more clarity and work through our own ambivalence.

Identify the resistance to change:

What are the forces at play which are resisting your ability to create the change you want?

Identify and develop discrepancy:

What ways of coping might you be attached to that may be working against your goals or values?

How do your current behaviours reflect on where you're trying to get to? Is there any mismatch or inconsistency?

Reframe:

All of us have perceptions, thoughts and ideas of our lives and the world around us. This creates a frame of reference that can potentially limit what we think we can do or what we see.

Our aim here is to focus not on the obstacles and roadblocks that stand in our way but the advantages that you may have in your specific situation. It sounds so simple but can be very challenging for a lot of people. Questions like these can help uncover a different frame of reference.

• When and where does this problem not occur?

• Is there another story you could tell about that?

• If you were to stop thinking about how you’re going to solve the problem and start thinking of how you know it will be solved, what would this look like?

Find a professional for more advice and guidance:

This could be in the form of a coach/PT, nutritionist, counsellor etc. professionals who are experts at collaborating with you to help you make the changes you desire.

If you're experiencing your own ambivalence, understand that its an entirely normal part of the process to sustainable change.

If you're struggling through your own ambivalence and want to continue in improving your health, wellbeing and fitness please fill out our quick survey or book in a call to help gain some more clarity and overcome these barriers.

Recognise Your Fears

Fear appears in our life in many different ways. It can drive us to feel as though we're not enough, that we'll never be enough or have enough. It can hold us back, make us feel lonely, inadequate, jealous, ashamed and dissatisfied. Fear can also be the source of tremendous self-realisation, self-actualisation and ultimately self-growth, it can be a great tool for intense focus and achieving powerful performance outcomes

Most of the time you can't control your fears. Whether it's 'in-the-moment' fear, like getting ready for a competition or to make a public speech or 'not-good-enough fear', like being controlled by your inner critic or your fear of being rejected or vulnerable. No amount of hoping will change it.

Changing The Fear Response

Instead we must try to deliberately change our response to these kind of fears. We can do this by shifting our behaviour, our physical focus, mental attention and importantly our own perception of these fears.

In her book Fear Less: How to Win at Life Without Losing Yourself, Dr Pippa Grange, a sport psychologist and culture coach, brings forth a strategy of seeing, facing and replacing our fears. It's a fantastic read and can be life-changing if you apply the methods and strategies she suggests. She discusses how fear can go a lot deeper and can lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

I've personally had a lot of success with overcoming my own fears using some of these strategies, I will outline some of them below but if you want to dive deeper I highly recommend reading and most importantly applying what you read into your life.

Questions To Recognize Fear

Below you'll find a few of the many possible questions you can ask yourself to begin to uncover how not-good-enough fears affect you day to day.

Seeing it: Identify it, feel it, experience it and acknowledge it.

What does fear look like to you?

How does it feel?

Facing your fears: Going deeper

Who do I become when I'm captured by fear?

What does my fear cost me?

What excuses does my fear make for me?

Replacing your fear: Reinterpreting and reimagining

There are many ways that Dr Pippa Grange references in how to overcome our not-good-enough fears. Ranging from telling ourselves a different story, to finding a strong purpose, to laughter. I won't go into too much detail as you can always find a lot more information in the book itself.

However what I will say is that fear is an essential part of human nature and is impossible to change. What we can do is either block it or challenge it.

We can't wipe the slate clean of our mistakes or blunders but we can channel these into passions and resources to take us beyond our fears.

Connection Overcomes Fear

We can connect with others and work on being more vulnerable, open, honest with ourselves and our loved ones. Great communication, trust and empathy can help us overcome our fears.

Lastly we can work on being present, it's not pleasant to feel trapped in your own thoughts, over-thinking, catastrophizing and worrying. Simply start by noticing your breath, tasting what you eat, feeling sensations in your body, then begin to notice how you feel as a progression and begin to uncover where those emotions, thoughts and ultimately fears may originate and why.

Finding a way to regularly be present is extremely grounding and calming and an excellent way to tackle your fears and live for each and every moment as they come.

If you're struggling through tackling some of your own fears as they relate to your overall health and wellbeing and want to improve in these areas please fill out our quick survey or book in a call to help gain more clarity.

Let's Dig Deeper: Finding your why behind your health goals.

What do you want to achieve with your health?

Why do you want that?

Why now?

These are critical questions we need to ask ourselves when we're thinking of change? Any type of change really but today I'll be talking about changing an area of your health, wellbeing or fitness and a process of how to approach sustainable, long-lasting change.

Essentially that's what we want when we decide to change an area of our lives, the change to last, to be permanent. It's simple in theory, a very different story in practise.

Change starts with a choice.

It can simply be a choice that you want things to be different. You want to improve your health, have more energy, eat better quality food, have less injuries and avoid being in pain, have more confidence in your own self-image etc.

This is where we need to explore this possibility of change more closely and ensure you really want what you say you want and then create a step-by-step process to achieve it. This is where unfortunately many go wrong.

Some have the intent to change but think the change is too large and never make a start, some have the courage to make the start but go about it the wrong way and inevitably halt due to a number of possible obstacles or setbacks. Some go all out and cause themselves injury or digestive distress. And some make all the right choices and life smacks them in the face and everything crumbles.

I'm going to present 3 simple questions that will hopefully get the cogs turning and create a simpler way to approach these often common pitfalls of health enthused change makers.

Q1: What things are important to you, and how does health, exercise and eating fit into this?

Q2: If you wanted to change, what would be the absolute smallest possible step you could take to move towards that goal?

Q3: What is good about NOT changing? What might be BAD about making this change?

You can answer these yourselves and hopefully they create a more well rounded picture of why the change is important to you, how to make a start and to prepare yourself for inevitable ambivalence during a journey towards change.

Best of luck.

If you're struggling to make a start in improving your health, wellbeing and fitness and you're unsure how to go about it, please fill out our quick survey or book in a call to gain help gain more clarity.

Go the f@♧☆ to sleep

“Even a soul submerged in sleep is hard at work and helps make something of the world.” — Heraclitus

By Yudi Morris

In my first article I would like to cover a critical area of health, wellbeing and performance. One that is severely lacking in western society.

Sleep is a master regulator of metabolism and brain function. If we don’t get enough our body and mind suffers. We age faster, become sicker, we struggle to cope with physiological and psychological stress, and we don’t perform well mentally or physically.

New studies are strengthening the argument for the relationship between sleep deprivation and a range of disorders, such as hypertension, obesity, type-2 diabetes, impaired immune system function, cardiovascular disease arrhythmias, mood disorders, neurodegeneration and dementia and even loneliness. However, despite the astounding acceleration in research over the past few decades, inadequate sleep due to sleep disorders, work schedules, influx of technology in society and chaotic lifestyles continues to threaten health and safety.

“People have come to value time so much that sleep is often regarded as an annoying interference, a wasteful state that you enter into when you do not have enough willpower to work harder and longer.” Says David F. Dinges, PhD, Professor and Chief of the Division of Sleep and Chronobiology in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine.

Getting enough sleep has lost its value in a society of constant stimulation, stressors, distractions and demands. But let’s look at the reality many face when it comes to sleep. There are many challenges, being overworked, having a baby to care for, overthinking and worrying, wanting to have downtime to relax, being in pain, the influx of technology as well as sleep disorders like insomnia and sleep apnoea. So how do we overcome these challenges and put value back into our sleep time and quality. It’s important to note here, that if you have a sleep disorder it’s recommended to go and see a specialist.

Economic Effect:

The centre of disease control and prevention (CDC) in the US has declared insufficient sleep a ‘public health problem’. This equally concerns other industrialised nations such as the UK, Japan, Germany and Canada. The proportion of people sleeping less is rising and associated with lifestyle factors related to a modern 24/7 society, such as psychosocial stress, alcohol consumption, smoking, lack of physical activity among others.

A study Why Sleep Matters – The economic cost of insufficient sleep by RAND Europe estimated that the US sustains the highest economic losses ($411 Billion a year, 1.23 million working days lost), Japan ($138 Billion a year, 604 thousand working days lost), Germany ($60 Billion a year 209 thousand working days lost), and the UK (£50 Billion a year 207 thousand working days lost).

Marco Hafner a research leader at RAND Europe says “Sleep deprivation not only influences individual’s health and wellbeing but has a significant impact on a nation’s economy, with lower productivity levels and a higher mortality risk among workers.”

He continues “Improving individual sleep habits and duration has huge implications, with our research showing the simple changes can make a big difference. For example, those who sleep 6 hours a night increase their sleep to 7 hours could add £24 billion to the economy.”

Understanding:

I believe having a basic understanding of the importance of sleep on your brain and body combined with real-life helpful tips will provide great value. It will hopefully lead to some positive behaviour change, improved sleep times and quality for better overall health and wellness.

However, this does start with you. Making a bold decision to improve your sleep isn’t easy. You’ll have to sacrifice some things you enjoy like socialising or watching a late movie or tv show. Even getting home from work earlier, as hard as that may be, with deadlines, projects, late work events that encroach on your slumber. I get it, it doesn’t seem like there’s enough time in the day for you to work, spend time with loved ones and also do what you want to do.

Here’s where the why comes in. If you understand the importance of sleep and the role it plays in your overall function it will hopefully become a priority for you.

Brain function

Sleep is critical for cognition - for our ability to think clearly, problem-solve, remain vigilant, alert and sustain attention. It also plays a key role in emotional regulation, your mood and how you interact with others.

Nerve cells (neurons) in the brain are very active during sleep. But if we are sleep deprived, neurons are at risk of not getting enough signals and we risk losing the neuron in a ‘use it or lose it’ sort of fashion. Like an old phone number, you don’t use anymore and eventually delete of your phone. This is why sleep disturbance or problems are one of the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease.

Sleep is crucial for learning to take place too. Our memories are consolidated during sleep. It is also needed before learning to allow for increased focus and to create space for new information. Powerful brainwaves occur during the deepest stages of sleep which transfer these memories from a short-term, more vulnerable state to long-term memory.

It is worth mentioning too that sleeping pills unfortunately do not produce naturalistic sleep and have been associated with a significantly higher risk of death and cancer.

Body Function

Sleep isn’t just essential for our brain but effects every tissue and system in our bodies.

When we do get enough sleep, it helps us, gain muscle, lose fat, recover and repair, regulate our blood sugar and blood lipids, regulate our hormones, regulate our hunger, our appetite and satiety and helps remove waste products. Sleep is crucial at decreasing inflammation, so speed of recovery is remarkably improved with regular and quality sleep.

One study has shown men who sleep just five hours or less per night have been shown to have levels of testosterone of that of men aged 10-15 years older. Low levels of testosterone have a host of negative consequences, and not just in sexual behaviour and reproduction. (Leproult & Cauter, 2011) So, the lack of sleep can age a man by up to a decade!

Athletes who reduce their sleep (<6hrs) have been shown to increase the time to physical exhaustion (Hursel, Rutters, Gonnissen, Martens, & Westerterp-Plantenga, 2011). Along with peak muscle strength, respiratory function and perspiration have all shown negative effects to a lack of sleep. 

Even just one night of sleep loss or reduced sleep can lead to epigenetic changes. Genes that are associated with promotion of tumours, long term chronic inflammation, stress and cardiovascular disease were upregulated or switched on. And genes that were decreased were associated with your immune system activity. This shows that by losing out on sleep you’re essentially crippling your body’s ability to function at a high level.

So, we’ve covered some of the whys behind why sleep is crucial for brain and body function. Time to focus on the how.

How, in the non-stop, highly stimulated, 24/7 society do we go about getting more sleep.

Regularity

Our bodies are designed around regularity, our internal clock e.g. circadian rhythm is regulated by the hormone melatonin which takes its cues from the amount light present in your environment. This is why we will naturally feel more awake in the day and tired at night. Ideally, we should go to sleep and wake up at similar times, so your body finds its natural rhythm.

Your lifestyle will often control these so it’s best to work around that.  Aim for 8hrs of sleep as often as you can. This should remain constant even on the weekends, however tempting it may be to stay up late and lay-in, your body won’t find it easy to adjust to the fluctuation in sleep-wake timings.

Temperature

Most people will find it easier to fall asleep in a room that’s too cold versus to hot. The reason why is, our bodies need to decrease its core temperature to initiate sleep and then to stay asleep. Making sure you have the room temperature around 16-18°C (60-65°F) is optimal. It’s worth purchasing appropriate bedding for hotter months and colder months. You can also have the windows open to maximise cool air circulation.

Lighting

The invasion of technology has been a real enemy of sleep, but of course we must work with technology as it’s not going anywhere. Phones (iPads), laptops and TVs all have blue light which signal to our brains to stay awake. We want to try and remove all technology ideally 45-60mins before going to bed.

Try using a candle or a nightlight instead of the bathroom light (which just so happens to be one of the brightest rooms in the house) before going to bed. If you wake up in the night, use low light in bedroom/bathroom. Blackout curtains are a big help and covering any TV red lights etc. can be very effective in creating a dark environment. You can always try using a sleep mask.

Alcohol & Caffeine:

Caffeine is a stimulant and it has a long duration of action on your brain and body. It has a half-life of six hours and a quarter life of twelve hours. This means if you have a cup of coffee at noon you still have a ¼ cup of caffeine in your system come 12 at night. So do your best to cut it off 12-14hrs before going to sleep. Have it with breakfast or earlier in the morning.

Even if you’re one of those people who can have caffeine and go to sleep perfectly fine, the quality of your deep sleep decreases by around 20%. Also, if you think caffeine keeps you alert and wakeful throughout the day try being more physically active. Some simple movements, some fresh air, a hot drink (herbal teas etc.) all are good alternatives to keeping you alert and won’t disrupt your sleep later on.

Alcohol seems to be the most misunderstood of all ‘sleep aids’. It is a sedative, but sedation is not sleep. You’re essentially knocking out your cortex and this does not induce natural sleep. Alcohol fragments sleep and as a result you don’t wake up feeling refreshed. Unfortunately, most of these night-time awakenings go unnoticed by the sleeper since they don’t remember them. Alcohol also blocks your dream sleep or REM sleep (rapid eye movement, this part of sleep helps consolidate memories, learning and mood).

Address the Stress:

An area a lot of people struggle with is lying awake unable to fall asleep. This can be frustrating as a potential 8hr sleep opportunity can turn into a 5hr reality. Here’s a simple strategy for identifying what is stressing you out. An hour before bed grab a notebook and write down all the things on your mind. Be it work, relationships, family or finance. It acts like an emotional catharsis for your sleep and well-being.

If you are trying to fall asleep but can’t, do not stay in bed; the brain learns the association with staying awake and the bed environment. Simply go into another room, read or do a relaxing task and wait to get sleepy. Just like you’d never sit at the dinner table waiting to get hungry why would you lie in bed waiting to get sleepy.

Meditation can also be very useful and will shift you from a sympathetic to parasympathetic state, meaning your mind and body will begin to quieten and become sleepy. This is very much a skill and takes practice, five minutes is all you need. Put on some relaxing music, focus on your breath and quieten your mind.

Take home message:

“Research has shown us that sleep is not an optional activity” says Dr Dinges “There is no question that sleep is fundamentally conserved across species and across lifespans and any effort to eliminate has been unsuccessful.”

Aim to go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time. Keep the room cool, avoid unnatural light and turn off your devices, reduce noise, get comfortable and avoid caffeine and alcohol. This will allow you to optimise your sleep, recovery and improve your overall health and wellbeing.

Sleep well.

If you want to work on your health and fitness but are unsure where to start or how to achieve your goals try filling out our simple survey, or book in a call with us here so we can chat in more detail.